As June approaches, and the time for our annual visit to the US, I find myself paying more attention to my use of the word “home.” Like many expats, we use the word in our household to describe both where we live and where we grew up, where we came from.
Some mornings, while E brushes his teeth, we talk about summer vacation. “Soon it will be time to go home and visit your grandmothers,” I say. Not wanting to confuse him, I pause. “I mean, this summer we’ll visit Ohio and see the family.”
It’s not that I don’t want E to not consider Ohio his home. I’m just a new parent unsure of how to present such a topic. Someday, when he’s a little older, we’ll talk more about “home” and what it means to us, as a family living away from our own culture.
For now, I’m still unsure how I feel about the idea of home myself, how to define it, how to embrace it. Before, it was easy to make references to home without giving it much thought. But now that I’m responsible for little ones, language and context seem to matter more.
Not too long ago, E had a paper map of the U.S. hanging on the wall above his bed. At night, we’d read a book or two and then, before I turned off the light, we’d study the map. “Here’s Ohio,” I’d say. “Where your grandmothers live.” E would practice saying “Ohio” several times and giggle.
Recently, the map got ripped during playtime and ended up in the trash, so I’ve got to buy another one. In the meantime, R and I continue to talk to E about summer vacation and about Ohio. Someday he’ll learn that it’s not just where his grandmothers and cousins live, but where his mom and dad grew up, where they went to school, where they met. Someday hopefully he’ll learn to make sense of it, to make sense of the idea of home and all that it means. And, perhaps, I will, too.
What about you? Share some of your thoughts about “home.”
Lovely post, Heather. I can really sense the dilemma coming through. I have this all to look forward to in terms of dealing with little ones. Mine will be born to a mother who is back in her own ‘home’, so I will be the odd one out. I wrote a while back on this issue myself. See what you think.
I don’t believe there is ever an answer for us expats. We have many homes, not one. All of them have different meanings to us but only one can ever be the one we connect to most at a very basic and emotional level. Here’s the post – http://www.insearchofalifelessordinary.com/2011/08/defining-home.html
Cheers!
I enjoyed reading your post, Russell. The idea of home is one that fascinates me and you’re right, there isn’t any one answer to the question. It will be interesting to hear your perspective, as one whose spouse lives in her home country. Do you plan on being in Australia indefinitely? (I’m sure you’ve written about this, but just to jog my memory…)
i feel the same. we have been telling lilah we will be going to america to visit friends and family. we have referred to “our old home” a few times. they are so young at this time i’m not sure how to go about it without causing confusion.
I know, it’s tough! It’s time to start reading all of the stuff out there on Third Culture Kids. Have you read any good books on the subject yet?
Good luck with this one – my husband and I are both TCKs and neither of us has a good answer to the question, “Where are you from?” Neither of us has ever spent more than a year or two in the cities where we were born, so we can’t use them; we both attended schools all over the world; husband graduated high school in Manila, I, in Germany. All 3 sets of parents live in houses and in cities in the US (one in OH!) where neither of us have ever lived except to visit. When we go back this summer for home leave, we’ll be all over the map, up and down the East Coast and into the Southwest, trying to see as many family members and friends as possible, since our relatives are scattered all over the U.S. and Canada. Our own children have lived in 3 different US states, and I’m not sure that either of them could answer the question, “Where are you from?” Right now we’ve settled on saying, “We moved here from Texas” just to avoid boring people to death with our complicated explanations. The beauty of being back overseas is that, at least when you answer the question, ‘Where are you from?” with “I grew up as an expat kid” – most people ‘get it’ immediately!
Ms. Christine, That’s got to be a relief when people get it that you grew up all over the place. The “where are you from?” question is tricky! What did you like best about the fact that your kids have spent time living in your home culture? I know living in a place is much different than visiting.